DEAR ABBY: Over the course of 12 years, my husband and I have gifted more than $400,000 in down-payment money to our adult daughter and her husband. Both are now in their mid-40s. I gave them most of this money behind my husband’s back. Recently, my daughter has been pressing me for more money, saying, “good grandparents/parents help their kids.” I give them $1,200 a month in cash and student loan payments, and I have done this for 10 years. I finally told my husband about my deceit, and he is being incredibly forgiving of me. He understands I have insecurity issues, and I worry about losing m…