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When the old Wembley Stadium closed down, they auctioned off squares of the turf. And I bought one. You could buy seats, pictures of stars who had performed there which once hung in its corridors and, of course, chunks of the hallowed turf itself. Anyway, for about £30 (something of a bargain) I got a bit of Wembley grass. It arrived in a pizza-style box. There were stud marks in it. I was impressed. Who knows who had stood on it? A household name? A groundsman? The mind boggled. But I was an idiot. Because when it arrived I put it safely in my understairs cupboard – and then forgot about it f…

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